It’s a common problem: you’d love to shake your leg in a sweaty, cologne-choked musical hall, but your name is never on the guest list. Trying to slip the door man an Abe Lincoln doesn’t get you anywhere, and you can’t find any bounced and passed-out patrons with hand stamps you could transfer to your own hand like in that Blues Traveler video. So, are you going to just give up on your dream? No way. Take matters into your own hands and convert your auto into the most exclusive discotheque around. It’s not too tricky to do, either. Just follow these four simple steps.

Straighten Out Your Sound System

Twentieth-century audio is so passe. The first step in setting up your car club is installing a modern sound system, and the cornerstone of your hi-fi upgrade is a proper iPod car adapter. Now, a lot of people make the mistake of trying to cut corners by using an FM transmitter or cassette-style iPod car adapter. Although they’re inexpensive, they also make your music sound muddy, flat and lifeless. For crystal-clear sound, your best bet is an iPod integration kit. With that, a good bass box, wide-range speakers and a kickin’ amp, your cockpit will sound like center stage at Le Tub.

Lux Fiat

Once you have your sound system squared away, it’s time to turn your attention to ambiance. All good discotheques have impressive lighting setups, so you’ll want to deck out your ride with car lights. Along with the standard outside car lights – projector headlights and Altezza tail lights – you’ll need an array of sweet dance lights for your cockpit. Undulating laser lights, powerful strobes, and a disco ball dangling down below your dome light are a must. Just one word of warning: flashing police lights could land you in hot water with the 5.0, so skip those.

Make a Spectacle of Yourself

With your disco Dodge fully decked out with light and sound, your next move is spreading the word. A lot of fancy-pants marketers will try and tell you that creating buzz through social media is the only way to go viral these days, but that’s a load of jibber-jabber. Your best move for self-promotion is to just drive around town rocking your tunes and flashing your car lights. I guarantee that no one will be able to take their eyes off you.

Whip up a Guest List

Last but not least, you have to have a guest list. And this is where your work really pays off because no meathead standing behind a red velvet rope can tell you that your name isn’t on the list. In fact, you have the power to limit the list to just your name. Let everyone who disregarded you in the past gawk slack-jawed at your achievement.

You never have to feel left out of the club when you transform your auto into a club of one. All you need is an iPod car adapter for tunes, some car lights for vibes, and the gumption to go it alone.